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The Sword of Justice & Other Stuff

Archive for 200705     ( return to current blog )


 The Valkyrie’s Guide to Weeding Friends & Lovers
 


1) Does the person in question answer their cell phone right in the middle of a deep conversation with you?

If YES - - boot ‘em.

If NO - - continue with screening process.

2) Does the person in question keep talking on their cell phone, despite not being an on-call brain surgeon or the President?

If YES - - NOW boot ‘em.

If NO - - rare bird; keep evaluating.

3) Does the person in question answer their cell phone during live performances (bands, operas, mime)?

If YES, but for mime - - keep going.

If YES, for anything but mime - - eliminate person in question.

If NO - - oooooh, this one’s good, but you never know; keep going.

4) Does the person in question talk on their cell phone while driving?

If YES - - club person over the head with collapsible shovel.

If NO - - I’m liking the person in question better and better!

5) Does the person in question fail to leave the mandated “ONE sugarplum fairy TWO sugarplum fairy” distance between his/her car and the car ahead of him/her (commonly known as tailgating)?

If YES - - whack ‘em and walk on.

If NO - - would ya introduce me to the person in question? Please?

Hmmmmmmmm - - was there a theme here?


Posted by The Valkyrie at 12:34 PM - 23 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Love Is...
 

Remember those goofy "Love Is..." cartoons? Forget 'em. I'll tell ya what love is.

This is Love.



This is your Heart.


This is Love at work on your Heart.


Any questions?

Just to be clear, I don't think having your heart tenderized by love is a bad thing. Every time I've reallyreallyreally fallen for someone, that process breaks through the shell a bit more and helps me stay both vulnerable and strong at the same time. Every time I see someone whom I've loved deeply, those chinks in the armor are widened and they're less apt to stitch back together.

It's just that I got my head spun about a week ago, when I walked into a training where I expected that I'd know no one and just sit back and relax - - instead, I walked headfirst (or possibly heartfirst) into the late, great love of my life.

It's been a while. He's married now. But as we sat talking during every spare minute we could find during the training, with our faces inches from each other, it was so easy to fall back into his eyes and to feel like it would be the most natural thing in the world to gently lay my hand on the side of his face.

It took a couple days before the emotional repercussions abated a bit and the sweet/rueful cognizance that he'll always have a bit of my heart could surface. What also remains among the jetsam of a week's reflections is a recognition that my heart gets softer every time it gets used - - soon it'll be a veritable ol' catcher's mitt of a heart that'll be ready for someone to pitch just the right woo.

So, yeah, I'm grateful for the tenderizing process that is love. But it still smarts, you know? Someone should invent emotional Motrin....



(Hey, can I get some props for the whole catcher's mitt/pitching woo thing? That was GOOD! )

Posted by The Valkyrie at 6:37 PM - 28 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 No Sweat Service
 

Sure, you could go on a three-week service trip to Africa to help build a school. You could move to Nepal and volunteer full-time at a clinic for high altitude-related disorders.

But you probably won't. Neither will I.

Large-scale volunteer projects can be daunting; service gigs that require a certain number of hours for a calendar year can put off folks who for a variety of reasons can't commit for that long.

But you can still serve - - there are a thousand small or short-term projects you can fit into your life, and they add up to a big impact on your world.





1) Change your internet search engine to Good Search.

GoodSearch is a Yahoo-powered search engine that contributes 50% of its revenues to nonprofit organizations - - on the GoodSearch homepage, you can choose the cause which you'd like to benefit from your search. On my GoodSearch page right now? The National Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty.



2) Pick up one piece of trash every day.

There used to be an organization called "We Stoop to Conquer" - - it was a loose association of people who pledged to bend down and pick up at least one piece of trash every day, whether in their neighborhood or at work or on a hike or at Everest Base Camp (pictured above). Can you imagine the collective clean-up potential if every person in the United States picked up one item of garbage every day? Damn.

3) Plant a tree.

You're beautifying your yard. You want shade. Pick an environmentally appropriate tree and plunk 'er in. It'll help process greenhouse gases and you'll shade your house in summer, reducing your cooling bills.

4) Record books on tape for people who are sight-impaired.

If you love to read, why not turn your passion into a community service? Many libraries, universities, and nonprofits operate audiobook services - - you record at your leisure.

5) Participate in one-day events that interest you and from which you might receive a reward of some kind.

Volunteering isn't a one-way street - - you really don't have to feel the burn to be doing good works. Pick something that'll be fun for ya.

6) Let your wallet do the volunteer work.

Most nonprofits need $$$$$$, dinero, moolah. Attend festive soirees that benefit causes that speak to you - - wine tastings where the proceeds go to mentoring organizations, street fairs where the profits go to a women's shelter, dinners where the revenue is donated to animal protection. Never underestimate the impact that your dollar has on the organization that receives it......

It's the little altruistic actions that add up to a life of service and that ultimately will create the country-wide corps of volunteers that was envisioned by the founders of AmeriCorps. Service isn't an action - - it's a way of living.



Posted by The Valkyrie at 2:27 PM - 24 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Tornados I Have Known
 


Dill City, OK. Smack-dab in the middle of both the Bible Belt and Tornado Alley, which makes for a lot of blustering and much wind. From 4th to 12th grades, I attended the Dill City Elejuniorhigh School - - mind you, that there is one fine ejimication I done got. So there was no official foreign language department - - don't make me no nevermind, cuz I speak me fluent Okie.

One linguistic lesson was learned early: the AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! response to a coming twister. Our school was outfitted with a huge, dank, horrible storm cellar that we'd occasionally have to populate when the sky grew dark and the air became oddly still.

We moved to Dill City in 1971, four years after a category 4 tornado had killed four people near the town. Five years before that, another category 4 storm plowed right through the tiny burgh and leveled a number of homes - - folks were still talking about those twisters when we moved to Dill, but of course we couldn't understand them until we learned to speak Okie.

While the AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! response seemed to make a lot of sense, my brother and I particularly found tornados fascinating and would stand out on the porch watching 'em in the near-ish distance - - they were completely relentless, undeterred by ANY thing. People tended to anthropomorphize them.....

....including my parents. October 9, 2001. A tornado plowed through Cordell, OK, a town of about 3,000 that lies eight miles north of Dill City. Cordell is where my dad had his law practice for about 30 years - - at the time the tornado hit, his offices were sited outside of town, disturbingly near the Cordell cemetery (guess it was a fine location to drum up estate business...).

On October 9, 2001, my dad was at work and my mom, his legal secretary for most of those 30 years, was right there by his side. They typically had a radio on and tuned to a local station to keep up with news and the latest in country music - - suddenly, the emergency preparedness signal started to drone, and an announcer hurriedly relayed that a tornado was on the ground south of Cordell and was moving north. Maw and Paw decided to sit tight, watching out their north-facing window as the sky gained that characteristic duskiness.

As they gazed open-mouthed, the trees and wheatfields became unnaturally still and then turned into whirling dervishes - - the tornado was almost right on top of the 'rents. It entered their view - - it moved into a field across the road from Dad's office - - it stayed there, spitting out corrugated tin roof pieces and farm equipment. Mom and Dad said goodbye to each other, thinking that this was the end - - the thing was gonna come back and get 'em. When they told the story later, they said that the tornado looked like it was thinking, as if it had a malevolent consciousness.

And then it kept moving northward and spared them.

Tornados continue to fascinate me - - the fact that WIND, that invisible movement of air through which we pass our hands and other body parts on a regular basis, can work up sufficient power to lift houses and cars and trailers and flatten entire cities. They are in the most literal sense a force of nature that has no time for man or his puny erections (like buildings and stuff, you know) and achievements. As aptly named Kansas would sing to you, all we are is dust in the wind.....and as Dorothy would tell you as she clicked her heels together, there's no place like home - - with or without tornados and Southern Baptists.

Posted by The Valkyrie at 8:21 PM - 26 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: The Valkyrie
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