Blogstream   -   Create a Blog!   -   Login Chat   -   Options   -   Clean   -   Flag   -   Family Filter: Off   -   Recent   -   Rndm >>    

 
The Sword of Justice & Other Stuff

Archive for 200703     ( return to current blog )


 Dating 101 - - For Men
 


Mmmmmmmmm, I love the smell of unsolicited advice in the morning. Except it's now about 3:50 p.m. MST, but let's not quibble about time zones and meridians. This is about unsolicited but much needed advice.

You might not know this already, but I is a WO-man. Yeah, that's right - - an Okie white trash hetero WO-man, crossed with judgmental Viking wargoddess. This heritage uniquely qualifies me as a dating advisor for all you poor, clueless humans who have been handicapped by a Y chromosome.........



So, you want to graduate from the inflatable datables to a real, live woman - - well, 9 out of 10 real, live women agree on the following guidelines:

BEFORE THE DATE

* Feller, groom thyself. Most women (7 out of 10) don't really care all that much if you're decked out in a Hugo Boss suit or clad in flannel (well, they might care if you're clad in head-to-toe flannel sleepers for the date - - just one of those exceptions). What most women (8.5 out of 10) WILL care about is that you're clean, that you've blown your nose, that you've brushed AND flossed your teeth, that you've trimmed off your coke-pinkie-nail, and that you've taken a moment to trim the nosehair. Just the basics.

* Go easy on the scented stuff, handsome. There ain't nuthin' that smells better than a clean man - - no need to cover up the Clean Man scent with sharp, fussy, smelly crap. OK, you can put some on your feet where it'll do some good.

* Consider wearing a kilt. Or an eyepatch. Or maybe that's just me.

* Scoop some of that trash off the passenger seat in your car. Week-old french fries don't really work like a dangly scented pine tree.

* If you're gonna give her something (get your mind outta the gutter), be original - - a Pez thingy that reflects something about her, Silly Putty (who doesn't love Silly Putty?), or a garden snake that you killed with your own hands. Just some ideas.

ON THE DATE

* This is huge - - if you haven't been writing anything down before this, get a pen: Encourage your woman to talk about herself. Yes, Mr. Man, you ARE the most fascinating creature on earth and the minutiae of your life is infinitely captivating - - but you want to eventually get some, dontcha? If you get your date talking about herself and you actively engage in the conversation, you will have discovered the most effective aphrodisiac in the history of bipedal primates. Trust Dr. Valkyrie.

* A corrollary suggestion - - stay tuned in to your woman and stop visually cruising the place where you're having your date.

* Do not comment on her yabos. Do not comment on the yabos of the waitress. Do not comment on the yabos of your ex-girlfriend. Do not stare at the yabos on the woman across the room. Do not attempt to directly or indirectly contact your date's yabos or those of any other woman in the vicinity or on the street. YABOS ARE OFF-LIMITS COMPLETELY during the first date at minimum.

* Aside from restraining your yabo-philia, be yourself - - not yourself on steroids or what you think Ben Stiller would be like as yourself. Just yourself.

* I want to use the word "corrollary" again, so here's another corrollary suggestion to the above - - DO disagree and get into legitimate discussions. Just don't figuratively club her over the head with your opinions while completely disregarding her viewpoints.

* If you value your life, do NOT comment on how much or what she's eating, even if it's the dessert cart or a whole pig.



AFTER THE DATE

* Give it up - - no yabos for you.

* This entire entry has been quite tongue-in-cheek - - but don't go thrusting YOUR tongue into HER cheek, yeah?

* Make another date if you like her.

* If you DON'T like her, then DON'T LIE - - don't say that you had a great time, you're going to call, you can see children in your joint future. Be vague or be kind and direct.

* If you said you'd call, then CALL.

**************************************************************************************************

I'd like to invite da boyz to respond in kind and provide Dating 101 tips for women - - however, we can predict that it's highly likely to be yabo-centric and most women (8 out of 10) already know that's what y'all want but we're smart enough to hold 'em back until we're sure where your hands have been.

(The above has been a public service message on behalf of most women - - 6 out of 10 - - and has been wholly farcical and silly and jestalicious. Men who are offended are invited to call 1-800-HAVEYOUSEENMYSENSEOFHUMOR.)

Dr. Valkyrie, gunnin' for Dr. Laura.....

Posted by The Valkyrie at 6:33 PM - 25 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Pettiness Is SO Very Attractive...
 


"Have no fear of robbers or murderers. They are external dangers, petty dangers. We should fear ourselves. Prejudices are the real robbers; vices the real murders. The great dangers are within us. Why worry about what threatens our heads or purses? Let us think instead of what threatens our souls."

-- Victor Hugo


Posted by The Valkyrie at 7:47 PM - 27 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 THIS Is Why Defendants Have Rights
 


From time to time, you'll hear someone complain about the rights of arrestees and criminal defendants - - there's a persistent myth that these rights interfere with the administration of justice and that "criminals get off scott-free".

The first question we must ask is: Who the hell is Scott and why has he become the foundation of a phrase like that? Why isn't it "carla-free"?????

Seriously, though - - there are reasons and history behind the right to an attorney, the right of a defendant to confront his/her accusers, the right of the defense to see evidence prior to trial, the obligation of the prosecution to share evidence that is potentially exculpatory. And here's a terrific case study:



This was Ron Williamson. He's the subject of John Grisham's latest book, "The Innocent Man", which is a nonfiction story of a horrific crime in Ada, OK, and the many mistakes that led to the conviction of two innocent men for rape and murder.

In 1982, a young woman was raped and killed in her own apartment, following an evening at a local bar. There were numerous witnesses who stated that a man named Gore had been in arguments with the woman, that he kept harrassing her, and that his ride later let him out of the car very near the woman's apartment. The crime scene contained numerous hairs, blood traces, and fingerprints - - most of which did not belong to the crime victim.

From the very beginning, the investigation was a goat rope - - the detectives on site neglected to dust many of the flat, nonporous surfaces where fingerprints might be found. When interviewing the people who had last seen the crime victim, detectives failed to obtain hair and blood samples from Gore. Gore misdirected the police by mentioning that the crime victim had complained to him about being harrassed by a local character named Ron Williamson. His misdirection worked, like the Force on the weak-minded.

With a single-mindedness which isn't exclusive to the Ada PD, the cops honed in on Ron Williamson and found ways to tie him to the crime - - his apartment was relatively nearby, his hair was allegedly similar to the samples obtained at the crime scene. Despite his alibi, Ada PD spent two years trying to create a case out of thin air, primarily relying on jailhouse snitches who had something to gain by implicating Williamson.

At the same time, the cops decided that the crime was committed by more than one person; this led them to seek known associates of Williamson, and they landed on a man named Dennis Fritz. The only provable link between Fritz and the crime was Williamson. Officers working the case badgered and threatened the suspects, extending their interrogations until the men were physically uncomfortable and exhausted, lying to them in an attempt to get them to rat each other out.

Leaning on junk science, jailhouse snitch testimony, proximity, association, and the lack of other suspects, the local District Attorney pursued Williamson and Fritz with blood lust and without regard to the truth. Both Fritz and Williamson were considered indigent and were assigned attorneys working pro bono; Williamson's lawyer was a blind attorney who didn't want to work with the mentally ill client, who received no monetary assistance in combatting hair analysis, who failed to fully explore the evidence from the police investigation (which included a confession from another jail inmate who said he killed and raped the woman - - false confession, but STILL), who never sought a competency hearing for his client. Fritz's attorney allowed the former chief of police from Ada onto the jury, a man who had a clear bias toward the cops and the prosecution.

No surprise - - in 1988, a jury of their peers convicted each man of murder, with Fritz receiving life in prison and Williamson receiving the death penalty. Williamson spent 10 years in Big Mac in McAllister, OK, quickly deteriorating on death row without medication or therapy or adequate nutrition or human contact. He came within five days of being executed, before the idiot administration at Big Mac realized that his appeals were still in process and that they were jumping the gun.

Fritz also spent 10 years in another prison, quickly becoming a jailhouse lawyer and filing appeal after appeal. Eventually, he contacted the Innocence Project in New York, which took his case. Williamson finally wound up with some attorneys on his case who successfully lodged an appeal, resulting in a new trial being ordered.

This was the late 90's - - DNA evidence and analysis were just hitting their stride, and both the defense and the prosecution in the Williamson/Fritz cases agreed that the old evidence should be tested. Analysis of semen and hair from the crime scene excluded Fritz and Williamson - - and it matched Gore, who was at that time serving a 40 year sentence for kidnapping and rape (and who was, oddly, in a work-release program).




Fritz and Williamson were released from prison in 1999 - - twelve years after being arrested and held for a crime neither of them committed. Fritz had a 13 year old daughter at the time he was arrested - - when he left prison, his daughter was 25 and he'd missed twelve years of her life. Williamson had suffered a virtually unchecked decline into mental illness that had been untreated or mistreated for most of his prison stay. How do you compensate someone for that?

The State of Oklahoma, Ada PD and the Pontotoc County D.A. felt no need to issue an apology or offer restoration. In fact, the cops and the D.A. continued to hint that Fritz and Williamson were still suspects and the community of Ada shunned them. Lovely, lovely people.

Fritz and Williamson, with guidance from their legal advisors, entered into a massive lawsuit against the Pontotoc Co. District Attorney as an individual, against the Ada PD, against various prison and Oklahoma Bureau of Investigation officials - - and when it was settled confidentially and out of court, the rumor was that the plaintiffs had received $5,000,000.00. Add to that 12 years of incarceration and prosecution, and the mishandled Fritz/Williamson case cost the TAXPAYERS of Oklahoma more than $6,000,000.00.

This book points out numerous criminal justice system issues, including the lack of resources available to indigent defendants, the need for controls on cops and prosecutors, a need for redirection from the adversarial system to a process that works toward TRUTH and real justice, the separation of issues of mental illness and crime, the obligation of the judge to stop proceedings when unfairness is evident, and a need for objective community assessment of the gawd-awful media coverage of dramatic crimes.

Ideally, the case of Fritz/Williamson makes the typical community member think - - it could happen to YOU. If you were wrongly accused of any kind of crime, let alone a heinous rape and murder, wouldn't you want your rights to be assured? If you're money-poor, wouldn't you want the same access to justice that rich folk enjoy? If you were wrongly convicted of that crime, wouldn't you want to be treated humanely in the prison where you were placed pending your appeals?

The rights of criminal defendants are protections for all of us. If you can't extend mercy and consideration to perpetrators of crime, then think of the many innocent men and women who are accused of crimes every day - - some day it may be you or someone you love.

Posted by The Valkyrie at 4:44 PM - 35 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
Pages:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
   
  About Me
Author: The Valkyrie
From Valhalla, XXX
 
This blog is about...
Justice is blind, which is problematic when she's totin' a sword. It explains a lot, though...
 
My: Profile  Gallery  Interests  Bio  Guestbook  100 Things 
 
Bookmark   History

  Blogstream Sponsors
Have you checked out the new Blogstream site,

Question Stream.com?

Many Blogstream members are there already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"

If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!

Send Free
Just Saying Hi
Greeting Cards
at

Greeting Cards.com


Good Morning


  Recent Posts

  Blogs I Like

  Sites I Like

  Archives

8011 Visitors